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The Mom Guilt

"Maybe I shouldn't be feeding her formula."

"I shouldn't be putting him in daycare. It's selfish."

"Maybe I shouldn't let her watch too much TV."


Any of these sound familiar to you? They do to me. I have at least one thought similar to these daily. It's called Mom Guilt, although we all know its not just Mom's who have guilty thoughts like these.


A woman on a parenting site I frequent once asked us if dropping her kid off at daycare a couple of hours before she has to go to school and work so she can get some things done around the house and get a break makes her a bad parent. The answer from nearly all of us? A resounding "Fuck No!" We all need a break every now and then, we all know this, yet we parents still feel guilty for even thinking about asking for one. This inevitably leads to the main reason for feelings of guilt: putting our children in daycare in the first place. God forbid we decide to work AND raise a family at the same time, right? It's better for the child if one parent stays home with him until he's old enough for school, right? It's selfish of us to stick a young baby in the care of strangers when he needs his parents, right? This is what all of the experts keep telling us, and by "experts" I mean those dreaded "mommy shamers" I spoke of last week.


Listen, just because we are parents now doesn't mean we have to put our lives completely on hold. Sure, most aspects of our life will change now that we have a little one dependent on us for survival, but that doesn't mean we can't go back to work to earn a living and have actual adult conversations that don't get interrupted by crying or shitty diapers every 10 seconds. Besides, it could be worse: you could be doing what I do! Not only do my kids go to daycare, they go while I'm home all day (listens for the collective *gasps*....). I work from home, so my kids should be able to stay home with me, right? Again, my answer has to be "fuck no!" I tried. I really did. When my daughter was younger, she only went 3 days a week, but those two days when she was home with me, I got almost zero work done. As it turns out, young children aren't as receptive to your deadlines as you thought they would be. I found myself having to work at night just to catch up. I felt the best option would be to enroll her full time, and for me it was the right decision. Work was getting done on time and no more staying up late to finish anything. After my son was born, I decided to try working from home while having him home too, and for a while it worked. He was little enough where I could work from my desk while feeding him or rocking him to sleep. At around 8 months old, however, he was demanding much more attention, and my work started to suffer. Once again, I found myself working nights just to catch up. That's when I realized it was time for him to join his sister at daycare, and once again, it was the right decision for me.


With everything we feel guilty for when it comes to our kids, it's no wonder we're not all insane. I get it. I've been there. Putting my kids in daycare made me feel like the world's shittiest mom. Other things that make me feel shitty:


1. Feeding both of them formula

2. Letting them watch TV/iPads, even when most of the time it's so they are occupied while I try to cook dinner. Which leads me to...

3. Feeding them fast food when I'm too tired/too busy to cook

4. Not putting cute little braids in my daughter's hair for Picture Day

5. Letting my son eat a Cheerio off of the floor

6. Not signing my daughter up for the Theatre Program at the school because it's too expensive and she's already signed up for soccer. Oh, that reminds me...

7. Forgetting to pay for soccer

8. Wishing I could take a vacation with just my husband

9. Putting my kids to bed a half hour earlier because they fried my last nerve that day and I need extra "me" time.

10. Wanting "me" time in the first place.


I'd like you all to try something for me, something that helps me a lot. The next time your Mom (or Dad) Guilt strikes, instead of focusing on that, think of 3 times you saw your kids smiling that day, and try to remember why they were smiling in those instances. In our house, the most common causes for my kids smiles are when they're playing with each other, sharing a bowl of cereal in the mornings while watching Peppa Pig, and being outside, even if we're just walking to the mailbox. They are smiling because they are happy, and they are happy because you helped them be happy. You are a good parent. Keep doing you.





 
 
 

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